In 2004 I attended a church and God put his hand on me in a huge way. That day I came back in line with His will after 10 years of running - and have not looked back. I immediately wanted to 'do' a bunch of stuff, so I joined up with the youth pastor, started helping out with Wednesday's ministry - but I wasn't really feeling it. So I helped a guy start a 20 something ministry, and that didn't work out either.
During this time I wanted to enter the spiritual war and smite my enemies with holy wrath! I was on a train that led to...wait. Where was it leading to? I can tell you now, that I didn't know then that the train was a one way ticket - back to me. It was all about
me.
So I fell away from the church again, started getting up late on Sundays, just meandering my way through life for a few months, and then I met this guy at Starbucks. He was the first customer in our brand new store to order a french press, and I began talking to him about coffee and the subject of church planting came up. He was part of a church plant from south Florida and a few days later I met his pastor - and the entourage he had with him. That 'chance' meeting was a major crossroad for me - and I'd find out later, for him too.
J brought a wealth of knowledge of the bible into my world, and I brought a wealth of world knowledge into him. The two of us were practically inseparable for months. J and I poured into each other, molding, sacrificing, sharpening, dulling, revolutionizing, and re-creating each other each day. It is an experience and a growth at a magnitude and speed I've never felt in my life. Each word out of my mouth gave him a new context to connect with people, and each word out of his gave me a new context to see God.
I felt like where I had left off at my other church, I would pick up here. Small community, not fully knowing whats over the horizon, and a petri dish open to all kinds of new ideas. I was still on that train of
me and I still wanted to
do things within the church. The community became an idol for me, and being with them became more important then listening to God and follow His will. I wanted to be an elder, I wanted to preach sermons, I wanted to get glory - behind a mask of His glory.
Literally Roots was a group of people who met in a house, began anew at a campground lodge, then relocated to a building in Kissimmee. By the time we had gotten to Kissimmee more than 3/4 of the original people who came to start this church - had left. Either finding other opportunities, or simply finding the theology of the church; as it defined and redefined itself - too difficult to swallow.
Right about a year ago, God put me in a position of solitude. I got a job working nights and now could not make any staff meetings, or generally be a part of the workings of the church planning. I showed up on Sunday, got my instructions and executed them. Gone was the creative brainstorming, the regular community - Gone was the 'me' in the equation.
I struggled with this for weeks, feeling morose and lost without the people that lifted me up each day. Gone was the hopes of finding a companion after 4 years of intentional singleness, and a few months of
looking. I was entrenched in a kitchen for 35 hours a week, sweating and fending off depravity, sadness and anger.
Little did i know, the spiritual war i was looking for years prior, was already here; and had been here before I even arrived on this planet. The front line of this war, the deepest trench with the most dangerous artillery is right inside me; in my heart.
All my life I had moved a few times a year, being more vagabond then anything else. Now God had me in this small town for 10 years, not moving - and as I put it:
treading in Lake Jedediah. Now not only was I not moving physically, but I wasn't moving in the Gospel - at least not moving forward, I thought.
Boy was I wrong. The Roots dropped me to the ground, remembering what it smells like, what it tastes like. This wonderful thing below our feet that we all take for granted. The gospel education, and subsequent growing pains associated with that gave me strength to stand up and look around me. The solitude for these last 2 years has given me the opportunity to stand my ground, look around - listen and appreciate all that is around me, and to hear Him in my life.
I now believe that all these last 6 years has been preparation spiritually, mentally, and emotionally - for the next vagabond stage in my life. Instead of being for me, it's for Him. I can only go where I'm called, do what he tells me to do - even when; especially when - it brings me nothing in return.
A big thanks to everyone that has touched my life these years, the ten hour discussions, two hour arguements in staff meetings, the hugs, kisses, marriages, conflicts, victories, and 'ah ha!' moments that have transpired that have brought me to today; a mere weeks from embarking on a journey to Philadelphia where I have no plans to do anything in particular, except follow His lead. I have no control, I have no job lined up, no groups to see...I walk in faith this time and look forward to the sufferings, joys, defeats, victories, and paved road to His glory.
God is awesome, and he used the Roots to educate me into a spiritual space that can rely on Him fully, and bring His word to myriads of different personalities as my gift relates to them. It's been 7 long years since I walked into that church and got shown love that does not exist on this world.
I look forward to leaving my extra sandals at home, taking only the water that will last me a day, thinking not what to say when I am persecuted, and moving further into Him; in faith - of which would not have been possible without God intersecting my life with RL church, Roots, and two years of 'solitary confinement'.
And I will do it with joy; always.
